


Bedroom Royalty

by hearteating



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Arguing, Bad Sex, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-19 01:21:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12400167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hearteating/pseuds/hearteating
Summary: Just because Eleanor and Tahani are soulmates doesn't mean they get along.





	Bedroom Royalty

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FreshBrains](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreshBrains/gifts).



It turned out that having a soulmate, even one as smoking hot as Tahani, _sucked_.

Or maybe it just sucked because her soulmate was Tahani. Maybe everyone else was having the time of their lives (or deaths, or whatever) with their perfect other half, but because Eleanor wasn’t supposed to be in the Good Place, she got stuck with stupid Tahani, with her perfect hair and perfect skin and the way she obviously thought she was better than Eleanor.

“Oh my god. Could you not shut up for like five seconds?” Eleanor cried, balling her hands into fists so she wouldn’t just slap the hell out of Tahani.

“I was only saying that I have no idea how they could have made a mistake like this,” Tahani continued like she hadn’t even heard Eleanor. Like she was so tall Eleanor’s voice couldn’t even reach her. “I mean, is there anything you’re even good at? Besides lying and forgetting to tidy up?”

“First of all, I don’t forget to tidy up, ok?” Eleanor replied. “I just don’t do it. Second,” she pointed at Tahani, “I’m good at tons of stuff.”

“Oh?’ Tahani smoothed the front of her dress. “Please, enlighten me.”

“Well, for starters, I sold the most NasaPro at my job for seven months in a row.”

“Hmm, and didn’t that involve lying?” asked Tahani smugly. Eleanor growled in frustration.

“Ok, fine. I was also great at getting free stuff, awesome at taking care of myself, I was super good at hair extensions, I rocked at sex-“

Tahani snorted. It was the ugliest thing she’d done since Eleanor met her, and she would have been thrilled if it hadn’t been her Tahani snorted at.

“Wow, really?”

“I’m sorry,” said Tahani, not sounding sorry at all. “You must admit it’s absurd to think that you, selfish as you are, would be any good at making love.”

“Well, that’s where you’re wrong.” Eleanor put her hands on her hips. “In fact,” she pointed at Tahani again, “before I dropped out of college, I was with this really hot chick, right, and she called me a ‘pillow princess.’” Tahani stared. “That’s right, sweetcheeks, I’m bedroom royalty.” Eleanor bowed.

“I don’t believe it,” Tahani sniffed. She crossed her arms over her chest, which was kind of distracting. Eleanor stepped forward into Tahani’s space.

“Believe it. I’d show you, but I don’t think you could handle it.” Eleanor smirked up into Tahani’s beautiful, stupid face.

Tahani totally started it, Eleanor would think later.

\--

“Well, that was…” said Tahani, staring at the ceiling.

“Awesome?” Eleanor finished, a lazy, satisfied smile on her face. “Told you.”

“You didn’t even do anything!” snapped Tahani. “You just focused on yourself, like I knew you would.”

“Hey, you got off, didn’t you?”

“No thanks to you. That wasn’t sex, that was….that was competitive masturbation!” Tahani scrunched her nose. Eleanor hated that it didn’t make her any less hot, even with her hair a mess and her skin all shiny and her cheeks still pink…

She coughed.

“I didn’t see you complaining,” she replied. She crossed her arms defensively. “And it’s not like you were trying all that hard to feel me up, either. Besides,” she leaned in close. “Wasn’t it kind of hot, trying to outdo each other?”

Tahani huffed.

“It…might have been,” she admitted grudgingly. “But you are definitely not ‘bedroom royalty’.”

Eleanor shrugged.

“Agree to disagree.”

They were quiet for a minute, both staring at the ceiling. Tahani played with the ends of her hair. Eleanor wondered if Tahani expected her to make breakfast, even though it was two in the afternoon. Tahani seemed like the sort of person who wanted to be brought breakfast in bed after sex.

Screw that.

“Hey, wanna go again?” she asked, turning onto her side. Tahani stared at her, looking slightly horrified. She bit her lip.

“All right.”

**Author's Note:**

> Neither Eleanor nor Tahani knows what a pillow princess is.


End file.
